It feels good to disconnect and laugh a bit. After I communicated that, he made a sweeping judgment about my intentions and character, ending his email with “Buddha would be appalled.”. But when an individual is the source of the blockage, then you get angry at them –since they’re the source of the problem. It's not about me. Watch this before you do or say anything! You don’t. When You're Angry At Someone You Love, Showing You Care Can Be Hard. I do get the point Shivani, even I get extremely angry when people violate the road rules with total apathy. Take it from their perspective. If it does, it's not anger, it's rage. Then I realized that this was a wonderful exercise in learning to deal with anger. It’s hard enough to surrender any anger to the Lord, let alone when you feel angry at God. Maybe you’ve done something similar in the past. Yes, we’ve all heard it before. But I wanted to convey these feelings as they were fresh in my mind, because one of the most cathartic ways that I know of cleansing my palette of emotions, is to actually write about them. In the end, we’re the only ones responsible for our mental states, so this is a great opportunity to practice emotional regulation. I know that it’s easy for me to make this statement, but it’s far harder to heed this advice, but no truer words have been spoken. She recently launched a Mindfulness Kit to help reduce our stress and increase our peace and joy. 10 Quotes You Need to Read If You Struggle with Anxiety, The Cages We Live In and What It Means to Be Free, When People We Love Die: How to Honor Their Legacies and Lessons, Why I Now Believe Everyone Is Doing the Best They Can, 4 Ways to Overcome Alienation and Loneliness. When someone you know is angry, he or she may stomp away or stop talking to you, or become quiet and withdrawn. As much as you want to do it, it’s best that you wait. Click to opt-out of Google Analytics tracking. The longer you don’t forgive, the longer you will feel this animosity that will entirely consume you. The truth? We can all take so much and then we crack. When you're angry … What I have found in practice — and this surprised me — is that once I’ve expressed my understanding … Though I run this site, it is not mine. 2) Place the blame for evil on Satan, not on God. “I see you’re angry. It’s also possible that there isn’t a right or wrong, but rather two people who see things differently and need to see each other’s point of view. If you aren’t yet familiar with the concept, check out my earlier post on the subject, and/or, if you’re in the mood to sit down and do a deep dive for a few hours, you can snag a copy of my book. It’s part of the healing process. I’m sorry you had to sit here waiting for so long.” All of that is true. Learn it, own it, act on it. 4. In fact, it’s pretty rare. But why did it happen? That’s all. Sounds strange? The very best remedy for this is to talk! Ask yourself a series of questions about why this situation made you so angry. How do you feel besides angry—do you feel insecure, frustrated, or confused? That doesn’t mean I won’t forgive. Negativity will beget negative results. Sometimes one annoyance can open the floodgates to a laundry list of complaints—but no one responds well to a barrage of criticism. Negative energy consumes more personal resources than positive energy. Feel it as it breaches land and really embrace it. Believe me. Decide that you’re not going to do anything until the feeling … 70. Angry at someone you love? If you're angry at work, get up from your desk and take a short walk. So I got to thinking. List the things you’re grateful for. Do not tackle this stuff … So I’ve dug deep into the far-reaches of my mind and have concluded the following. Make a conscious choice to sit with the feeling. But it’s true. If you do get this angry, in order to once again think clearly, you must take some time to calm down. I know it might be. Yes. As ironic as this may sound given the context of this site, I felt angry. So don’t do it. Deal with your body/mind equilibrium first. It’s possible that they feel angry, too, and think that you’re the one in the wrong. While he claimed to love her, he was still living with someone else. Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. Nothing good will come out of that heated exchange. We’re all that way. It’s okay. Sweat. You’re entitled to feel whatever you need to feel. Sit and think about it. I know it’s happened to me. As I wrote in my post about forgiveness, very few of us get to the ends of our lives and say, “I wish I stayed angry longer.” We generally say one of the following: If that’s likely what you’ll feel when you realize time is running out, why not express it now, while you can still enjoy the peace it will give you? You probably realized somewhere along this journey that you played some role in the situation. I don’t do anything to pollute my body or my mind. Why did you crack under the pressure? (For example, you may think that your boyfriend not showing up means that he doesn’t respect you, when he may have a valid explanation). You don't want to shout at the person who's made you angry so you turn passive-aggressive instead. What do you do when you’re this angry with someone? I felt angry because I felt misunderstood and judged, and I wanted him to realize that he was wrong about me. Okay, before you go seeking revenge, just know this — what goes around, comes around. Ask yourself what you could gain from the knowledge of this interaction should you have to do it again. I have also come out with a lot of theories as to why they keep continuing to do that. It’s okay. 69. If you’re looking to deal with someone that’s made you incredibly angry and upset, you could of course voice your opinion in public forums and open spaces. Walk around it. You may think you need to cover “negative feelings” with positive ones. “If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.” ~Chinese proverb. What made you so angry? I understand that. Decide that you’re not going to do anything until the feeling has less of a grip on you. If I did, I don’t think I would be able to run and manage this blog when I have a million other things to do, and do it so effectively. “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. With this in mind, I put together this guide to dealing with anger: You may think you need to cover “negative feelings” with positive ones. Is your throat tightening? Go for a run. When those emotions and the tide of hate has retreated, then you can respond. Don’t fire something off like an email or a message when you’re at the peak of anger. Look beyond what’s happened and find out why it has. It’s only going to egg you on to do really bad things. You can get angry and blow off steam, but don’t do something to physically harm that person. The internet is replete with things of that nature. Sometimes, it’s the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back. Those positive endorphins and enzymes do so much to help us that we often fail to notice it. As Tiny Buddha grows larger, I find there are a lot more people emailing me with requests. When you're stressed, your body goes into what's known as "fight or flight" mode. Not only will exercising give you physical health, but also mental and emotional health. In fact, it’s pretty rare. Regardless, I’m angry. You don’t need to do anything for that to occur. For daily wisdom, join the Tiny Buddha list here. Do your best to restructure the situation so that you can look at things differently. What’s a better approach than trying to make someone else’s life miserable that has possibly done some very wrong things to you? And now, I am incredibly angry at the person that directed a web of lies and spun a factory of fabrication. Is it stress that built up over the recent days or weeks or months, or even years for that matter? They messed up. I mean, really feel it. You’re angry. Does anyone know where I can find a wig for my mum? Are you assuming negative intentions on their part? We’re filled with thoughts and emotions that subsequently affect all of our behavior along with the quality and outcome of our lives. Inhale slowly … Grab your pen and walk yourself through it step by step. You’re looking to address the situation and communicate your thoughts about it clearly. As much as you might want to go hurt another person, it’s really uncalled for. Here’s a trick to make it easier. Listen, I get it. We all will. So am I. Don’t seek outright revenge. While it’s easy to be so angry at someone and want to seek some form of revenge, by staying in that negative space you will only attract more negative things to your life. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean that we have to forget. How to Mindfully Calm Your Anger and Stop Doing Things You Regret, The Art of Slow Living: How to Reclaim Your Peace and Joy, How to Trust That You’ll Be Okay No Matter What, Never dated and need for confidence advice, Am I gay or am is this an intrusive though. He wants to hear from you about what you’re thinking and feeling. While they’re getting angry at you, imagine, instead, that they’re angry at someone else. You need to give it time. The truth? We all are. When we lose loved ones, jobs, or even our health, sometimes we plummet into despair. This can take a person anywhere from 20 minutes to 24 hours. What did the other person do? And laughter is nature’s tool for healing. Look past someone’s actions and look at their intentions: most of the time, they haven’t intended to hurt you. BF gets married under family situations and now wants me too in his life. If you're feeling too caught up in your anger, turn on your favorite dance tune and start dancing and belting the lyrics. That’s what life is all about. Once you own your part, now you can use that knowledge to create more peaceful relationships going forward. But pull out a pen and paper and write down how you would feel as the other person. What steps should you take when all you want to do is scream and shout and yell from the rooftops? I felt angry because I have always struggled with saying no, and this was exactly the type of uncomfortable encounter I generally aim to avoid. Has this happened to you before? It’s not the last event, it’s what occurred almost directly before it. When you're angry, it's … GET MORE FUN & INSPIRING IMAGES & VIDEOS. For more information on how to stop being angry in general, keep reading. If you’re out of shape, all the more reason why you need to do this. Were you having a bad day already? Go for a brisk walk. Nothing. I felt angry because I assumed he intended to be hurtful, and I didn’t feel like I deserved that. Now that you know more clearly what part the other person played in your anger and which part is more about you, write a letter to him or her. Channel all of that anger into a positive direction by doing something that will benefit your health. Okay, okay, here’s the first thing. “For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson. You’re a human being at the end of the day and you are an emotional monster. Ask yourself what you could learn from this situation. It isn’t the easiest exercise. What goes around will always come around. Savor every moment and realize that it could all be gone tomorrow. Oftentimes when I’m angry I feel the need to act on it, but later I generally wish I’d waited. It's about us. If you ask anyone that knows me, they would tell you the same thing. Look at it from another perspective. I’ve asked myself that same question recently. Your mind will feel much more at ease. This situation taught you something useful about what you value in the people you choose to be friends with—maybe directness, humility, or loyalty. You’re entitled to feel whatever you need to feel. I recently just extricated myself from a precarious situation. What should we do about it? That’s not a bad thing. Don’t go drinking with your buddies or something else of that nature when you’re in this state of mind. Can you make the situation … You shouldn't write emails. Cooler minds will most certainly prevail in a situation like this. You can feel angry. That’s for sure. Don’t drink or do drugs or do anything else that’s going to intensify your feelings. Try to figure out what made that person so angry. Tell God honestly where you are at. It’s okay that you lost your cool. If you’re struggling to control your anger, sometimes there are underlying issues that need to be addressed, such as stress, depression or anxiety. Okay, okay, so you’re angry. Have they done this before? Pummel a punching bag. I don’t take pills. But feel it as it comes ashore in your conscious mind. Oh Green Day, the sound of our smudged eye-liner youth. So if you're ever mad at someone and feel as though you have a little cartoon man controlling your emotions, you're not too far off. Allow yourself to feel angry. Oftentimes when I’m angry I feel the need to act on it, but later I generally wish I’d waited. But what happens when you don’t want to do that? Is it really what someone else did, or are you feeling angry because of what you’re interpreting their actions to mean? I’m so angry at someone that I could just cry. While that might not instill immediate solace into your mind, it’s the truth. Because, things might spiral out of control before you can reel yourself back in. Of all the advice Winter offers, this first bit may be the hardest to follow — but it’s the most important: Wait. When you're angry, broadcasting your feelings to your friends and family on Facebook and other social networks will more than likely come back to haunt you, says Narang. You could also send the letter you wrote, but it will be easier to clarify parts the other person doesn’t understand if you’re having a direct back-and-forth exchange. It’s okay that you bowed and cracked. Nothing good will come out of that heated exchange. “I see you’re angry. If your goal is to get the other person to admit that they’re wrong, you’ll probably end up in a power struggle. Allow the tide to come in and close your eyes. God knows what’s going on inside of you, but He wants to you be able to come to Him with honesty and openness. Recognize the sensations in your body and breathe into those areas to clear the blockages that are keeping you feeling stuck. And if you never get to explain your intentions? If someone intentionally maligned or harmed you, it will come back to them. Sweat it out. The final way that I would suggest responding to someone after a situation has utterly angered you, is to watch something funny. This will help you decide which people you might want to spend more or less time with going forward. I’ve recently reached that point. Analyze your emotions and adjust your response. It’s inevitable that I’ll feel that way again—and many times, with people I know well and love. I have a hard time keeping up with all comments on the hundreds of posts I’ve shared over the last decade. You don’t. This will distract your toxic impulses through external stimuli. Get it all out. Stay away from medicating at all costs. Just turn off all your devices and watch something funny. And it’s not the first time. I’ve conducted my online searches and have come up with a lot of not-so-great advice. Doesn’t matter. It might be something you need to improve your relationship, or it might be that you need to end a relationship because you know it doesn’t serve you. What else can you do when you’re this angry at someone? Then react as you would in that situation. Once you are away from the angry person, stop and think. I ended up responding to his email fairly quickly with a little bit of defensiveness, albeit with restraint. When you’re angry at someone, it’s your duty to wait to respond. There’s nothing wrong with anger. You need to get moving and doing things if you don’t want to sit steeped in a certain set of emotions. Or you can talk yourself down from bitter rage into a place of inner calm. It’s not easy altering and changing your behavior, but if you’re serious about letting some of that anger go, then you have to. And it’s not the first time. 67. It isn’t always that great to seek actual revenge against someone because it shifts the focus of the mind in the wrong direction. But that is why it is SO important to confess this anger and surrender it. The people-pleaser in me wants to say yes to everyone, but the reality is that there is only so much time in the day—and we all have a right to allocate our time as best supports our intentions, needs, and goals. Comedy instills laughter. You don’t need to worry yourself about it. Okay, maybe a tidal wave! But I will forgive. Go to the gym. I know it hurts and we are propelled by anger towards what someone did, but don’t allow it to utterly consume you. But you have to steer clear. Yes, I too am angry right now, but that’s okay. You’ve been sitting here for 30 minutes and that’s got to be frustrating. Why did you flip? Laura had waited patiently for him to move out, understanding his caution, … However, that isn’t always the best option. What you need to do is realize, first and foremost, that you’re not perfect. That’s the fragility of this world. There will definitely be more situations like this in the future, so this is good practice for misunderstandings and struggles to come. You can also follow Tiny Buddha on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Watch as those waves move away from the shore and out into the distance. You may send this letter, or you might end up just burning it. Probably you’d listen and let them know you see how angry they are. What do you think inspired them to make you so angry? My life is littered with one mistake after another. If you feel extremely angry because of something that’s out of your control, like losing a promotion to someone else, do your homework before reacting. This is to help you clarify what exactly you’d like that person to know, understand, or change. In a piece for PsychCentral, Amy Bellows, Ph.D, noted the importance of sticking to the issue at hand when you're talking to someone while angry. If you're angry at your boss or disagree with management and feel the need to speak up, ignore this list at your peril. It really helps to write out your feelings down on a piece of paper. 2. There are obviously some horrible things you should never, ever do when you're angry. What do you do when you’re this angry with someone? This, however, doesn't mean you should have free rein to do whatever you want. After I pressed send, I felt a little angry with myself for letting this bother me. This experience was an exercise in expressing yourself in the best way to be heard and understood. Let go of that negative energy and learn to forgive. Maybe it’s a sitcom. Maybe you haven’t. I don’t often get angry. This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. If you decide to talk while you’re still upset, you might end some saying something that will only make things worse, because at that point your brain is in survival mode and may not be working in a solution … When you’re angry at someone, it’s your duty to wait to respond. Do Your Homework. But it means, when someone is so frustrated, is angry at someone, about someone, he goes out in the streets and screams so loud, cursing that someone in the street, until the neighbours gather around, with people standing around listening. Doing short bursts of physical activity can help you release pent-up anger in healthy ways. So instead of saying, “You didn’t show up, so you obviously don’t care about me,” say, “When you forget about the things that are important to me, I feel hurt.” In this way, you’re not assuming the other person meant to make you feel bad—you’re just explaining how it makes you feel so they can understand how their actions impact you. You’ll feel way better after you’ve worked off all of that aggression. You’ve been sitting here for 30 minutes and that’s got to be frustrating. Focus on love and positivity and spiritual growth. It’s here one moment then gone the next. So think about it a bit. Just don’t run from it. 7. Very rarely is it black and white. What steps should you take when all you want to do is scream and shout and yell from the rooftops? If you’re feeling extra angsty, try breaking out your old Rock Band 2 game where you can bang on the drums to this very song. So don’t be so angry all the time. So what? Is your chest burning? She’s also the author of Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and other books and co-founder of Recreate Your Life Story, an online course that helps you let go of the past and live a life you love. So, that’s my first piece of advice to you. Why did you feel that way? Do something that’s outside of your comfort zone. Were you already feeling annoyed or irritated? Also, I can see how it seems like I think being with a client gives me permission to be late. Look, we’ve all made mistakes in the past. Why not? Be specific on what you’re angry about. Watch yourself being drawn into it. Recently someone contacted me with a request that I was unable to honor. Laura was angry at her boyfriend, she told me in our first therapy session. Okay, so maybe you need to work it off. And, the heat of the moment can burn you for a lifetime. First, let me premise this by saying that I don’t actually believe in revenge in the evil sense. So take a look at what happened. Sit and think about it. … I know that this might be hard for most people, especially if they’re addicted to said medications. Your anger should never scare your partner. *My apologies for not responding to every comment on this post! Think about it like an ocean of waves. The content on Tiny Buddha is designed to support, not replace, medical or psychiatric treatment. Shift your focus. But it’s only been after a number of things went south. Click here to read more. Why? Don’t medicate. Don’t get so angry and fire something off right away. Let that thought sit and marinate before tiring your mind by thinking about all the things you want to do to hurt a person that harmed you or bruised your ego. So forgive them. You can help facilitate this by owning some responsibility—that you will listen if they come to you instead of getting emotional. Just try to envision things from the other person’s shoes. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 68. “I see you’re angry. We all are. If you’re in need of a dose of nostalgia and a perfect song to listen to when you’re angry, “Basket Case” may be the answer you’re looking for. But what about you? So don’t do it. It might take a very long time for that to happen, but it will. It's ours. The best thing you can do is tell God what you’re angry about. We’ll all have lots of misunderstandings and annoyances, and lots of opportunities to practice responding to anger calmly and productively. If a person is this angry, you should get away as soon as possible. Absolutely zero. In fact, this is actual something you shouldn’t do. Have a cold shower. In effect, it’s easier to love than it is to hate. Has it just been a string of things that have happened? Maybe you’ve done something similar in your life. Karma will act on its own, in accordance with its own Law. They say that bad things come in threes, but I’m not quite sure if that’s true or if it’s something we’ve convinced ourselves of. Smash a pumpkin. I've been wondering about this for a while now, because I try to be level-headed and reasonable…but sometimes I just lose it and want to throw something, slam a door…anything to get my rage outside of myself. And it’s not the first time. It helps to catalog your thoughts. Okay, I know why I’m angry right now. Zilch Nada. What Not to Say When You’re Too Angry to Talk If you are going to try things out with your partner in the moment, make sure you’re ready to do so. I often default back to the Golden Rule and tell myself that success is the best revenge and that we should leave everything else to karma. And only then. Don’t run from it. If you can't resist … Do breathing exercises to immediately relax. … Avedian says that taking a walk outside is particularly helpful when you’re angry because it releases endorphins, the “happy hormone,” … Are your legs twitching? If we’re mindful, we can use these situations to better ourselves and our relationships. Struggling in life? I won’t forget. You neglect to share crucial information, or you … Don’t pop a prescription pill or use something else that’s going to cloud your judgment. Confess and Surrender When you are angry at God it’s often the hardest to confess and surrender it to Him. The bible states that we have to forgive others. Counteract this reaction by finding a place where you can be alone for at least 10 minutes to focus on your … Before using the site, please read our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You’ve been sitting here for 30 minutes, and that’s got to be frustrating.